First of all: this is not an April Fool's joke.
Now that I have that out of the way ...
Since I always choose a main course and then figure out a side dish, my choice of sides is restricted to things that a) seem like they would complement dinner; b) without making the combination incredibly starchy. I decided to do it the other way around this time, and quickly figured out why I don't: it's hard to pick the side dish in isolation, without knowing the main flavor profile.
However, I finally settled on the following:
Foolproof Chicken Cordon Bleu - Cook's Country (unknown 2009 or 2010 issue)
Ripe Plantain Turnovers with Fresh Cheese Filling - Rick Bayless's Mexican Kitchen
Pistachio Souffles - How To Be A Domestic Goddess (Nigella Lawson)
As I made my shopping list, I noticed I needed: butter, sugar and ritz crackers. I did not need to buy: orange liqeuer, queso fresco or pistachios. I'm not quite sure what this says about my purchasing habits ...
Cordon Bleu: One substitution - I'm not going to bother to buy a new loaf of bread for this, so it will be whole grain bread. Low fat whole grain bread. I know, I know, the travesty.
Souffles: I do not have orange-flower water (I have never even seen orange-flower water, at least not that I know of), so, after relying upon my cooking assistant Google, I will be substituting above-mentioned orange liqeuer.